Brain Vomit

forgery is my only virtue. genuine does not define me a honesty does not become me. legions may die before i understand myself, and generations may pass before existance gains purpose in these colored globes. i have found myself at a junction in this setting at which i hate a distinction of which i cannot be seperated. humanity disgusts me. human nature its seems is a bitter taste in my mouth

often niether anwser is correct instead a combination of the two can find the closest result to reality,... perhaps the same applies to humankind... personalities cannot be set in black and white.... a gray personality as bland as that sounds is what everybody essential is simplified to

i see no light and for that i feel no worry. rather the tunnel scares me... to arrive at such an end may be enevitable but to struggle an toil against an outcome often yields voilent turns and twists which only make the futility of our plight more painful. the suffering it seems does not come in the judgment but instead in the sentencing that our secular attorneys argue with endlessly. to sink quietly into the night however seems as unwanted an option as that previously explored. we are doom d in our own respects to walk the path we laid for oursleves years ago when we were young and now fittingly to fall victim to a romantic death and gain first hand knowledge of a subject which we have always pondered. is there a god, an afterlife, a judgement of souls,? wait and see, we all have front row seats to our own unraveling. you have stumbled upon a story. a story which in essence is merely a culmination of many stories. no the plot does not have many paths that join to create closure and conclusiveness in one final jooining, in fact it is quiet linear. instead i suggest that any written work or oral telling is a creation by an entity, an entity which has drawn every bit of fact and detail of that creation from other stories and facts that it acumulated over its own timeline. we are but the branching tree whose trunk is flailing in the sky. but then again their is no end to the universal tale so all trunks must connect in some way. can you tell im rambling. midnight ideas: when the brain is filling everything learned into storage. as those glipses race into file cabinets i spit pieces onto paper.

in reality its almost 6 am on may 25 2008and i cant sleep

sometimes when i cant sleep my mind does more than race.. it litterally plays out every scenario that my life could arrive at.... in one such scenario i played highschool football my sophmore year and became paralyzed during a game, i then use my handicap to my advantage to live a relatively normal life. just example of the places id go...dreams and fantasies never really stuck to their designated realms within me... i didnt mind but i could tell others did...it often caused

me to lose friends and not make new ones... a little to strange for some i guess.... i had this theory once that all smart people were strange. bcause they overthought things, and that all great attists were wierd because inspiration came from their smart side and they had to let loose that nonsensical genious to truly gain ground breaking invention in their fields...i often noticed that this overthinking drove alot of artists insane, dali and his fascination with flacid male parts was due to his belief that he was disfuntional in those realms when most say it was all in his head... davinchi,...

my mother passed away in her sleep , my father dies of a heart attack, my sister was murdered and my brother broke his neck skiing, in reality they are all alive but sometimes i think i would be more interesting if i had more close encounters with death....i dont know if i can sympathize with those who have lost love ones because escaping is not the worst outcome' at least you don’t have to see it all come crashing down. i don’t fear death but i do not welcome it. my only apprehension about the endless sleep is the sadness it will bring those who cared about me. Suffering is pointless and pain is an extremity of suffering' regardless despite the existence or lack of existence an afterlife, one should celebrate the completion of ones time on earth like a retirement. living is a job, just hope you enjoyed working here for your life.